Journal of a Sith Warrior
by Shaggy Rower
Summary: CRACK. As the Sith Warrior journeys around the galaxy fighting for the Empire and defeating dangerous foes he keeps a journal, a journal of his thoughts on his adventures from a simple acolyte to the Emperor's Wrath. Unfortunately for everyone else most of his thoughts tend to be both exceptionally simple and exceptionally bloody. The Empire is doomed.
1. Prologue

**Journal of a Sith Warrior**

 **Prologue**

* * *

Day 0

I've done it! As I write this I am on my way to the Sith Academy on Korriban to complete my final trials! Boo-Yah! I get the feeling that this is the start of something great for me, that the destiny I've been waiting for my whole life is about to begin. That's why I've decided to start this journal, so that when I'm old and grey I can look back through it on my thoughts and feelings on the road to becoming a sith.

I've gotta go now. We've just dropped out of hyperspace and... is that music? I could swear I just heard the end of some kind of catchy song! But we're in space, sound doesn't travel in space!

What the hell just happened?!

* * *

Day 1

As first days go this one was rather mixed. It started off pretty good when I met a cool guy called Overseer Tremel, who gave me a very dramatic speech about: a) the Academy "weeding out the weak", b) some guy called Vem... Verm... Vermin? Was it Vermin? I think so. Anyway some guy called Vermin who's going to be trying to kill me, and c) an old armoury in the tomb of Sith Lord Paul (I'm not kidding. There was a Sith called Paul!). All in all it seems like Tremel believes I've got a pretty good shot at making it through my trials without being dismembered by one of the hundred types of bloodthirsty creatures about and becoming the apprentice of Lord Baras, so as you can imagine I was feeling pretty good about myself at the start.

Things got a little bit messy in old Paul's tomb however. For starters when Tremel said the tomb was thick with K'lor'slugs he meant it, there were literally thousands of them. Now luckily combat happens to be a specialty of mine, and as such carving a bloody path through the tomb towards my new warblade was fairly straight-forward enough. However when I say a bloody path I really bloody. By the time I got to the other end of the tomb I was literally covered head to toe in K'lor'slug blood-juice, I looked more like a wannabe tomato than a Sith. Things only got both worse and redder when I tripped over on my way to the Academy and rolled down half a hill of red dust. When I arrived at the academy the guards mistook me for a vengeful spirit that clearly used way too much blusher and promptly arrested me. It was not the best introduction to the Academy, and all the time I spent showering and hunting down a new pair of clothes took up all the time I'd gained charging through the tomb like a maniac, so I didn't get to impress Tremel with how early I was. It did not help that Tremel sat me down and told me that although he had said to spend some time bloodying my new weapon I had gone more than a little overboard, and if I wanted a future in the Sith order I had to learn to focus my enthusiasm into something a bit more "Productive."

So yeah, not the best first day.

There was a bright side though (Will I get in trouble for saying that? Sounds kind of like the Light side.) I met Vermin for the first time today. He was waiting with his friend outside Tremel's office, probably to say something to intimidate me. Luckily at the time I still looked like a vengeful dust monster, and instead of saying something smart all he could do was gape while his friend wet himself.

So yeah, not the worst first day either.

* * *

Day 2

Fun times at the Academy jails today (wow that's odd to say.) Tremel wanted to test my judgement skills, so sent me to decide the fate of three prisoners. The situation was already odd when I arrived as the jailer, a guy called Knash who sounds like he eats a bowl of gravel for breakfast every morning, was listening to a little blue Twi'lek as she told him what animal impressions she could do. I can only assume he is entertaining himself by making his prisoners pretend to be animals. Weird I know.

The first of my prisoners was an assassin who was apparently hired anonymously to kill an imperial spy. At first I thought of sending her to Imperial Intelligence, after all I'm sure they could use another assassin, but then I remembered that the whole reason she was here was because she failed her assassination so she clearly wasn't a very good assassin. So I chose trial by combat, and within three seconds she was dead and I needed to go hunting for another set of clothes.

*Note: Ask Tremel if there's some kind of Sith brand washing powder that's good for getting out blood stains. I can't afford to keep buying new clothes.

Next up was an ex-champion called Devotek. He begged me to give him a trial by combat, and since I've never been one to say no to a fight I agreed. For some inexplicable reason though the words that came out of my mouth were "I will grant your wish. A warrior should die with his boots on", which caused everyone alive in the room to look at me funny and prompted Knash to ask what the hell boots had to do with anything. When I explained that I had no idea and the words sort of popped into my head I got another round of funny looks. Luckily everyone quickly looked away soon after when I released Devotek and promptly beat him into a fine paste in about three seconds flat.

Finally there was a guy called Bregh who apparently forged some important documents, but there was no clear evidence that he did it. As he apparently maintained that he was innocent despite severe torture I decided to let him go. Apparently by doing so I have now won the record for setting the most people free in the Academy, as no one has ever done that before. Go me.

Turns out Tremel wasn't happy with me for any of my choices. After being scolded for an hour I was sent to my room without any dinner. I feel like a child.

*Note: Apparently it's the tomb of Ajunta Pall, not Ajunta Paul. Tremel appears to be doubting if bringing me to the Academy early was the right choice.

* * *

Day 3

Not a good day today. A strange rumour has started around the Academy about me and I have no idea why.

It all started with the discovery that apparently there _is_ a Sith brand washing powder. Tremel told me I could get some from the supply room. So of I went to get some, and who should I bump into in the supply room but Vemrin. Notice how I put Vemrin, not Vermin? Well it turns out that that's actually his name. See as soon as he saw me he started giving me that speech he meant to give me on Day 1, but then I said his name as Vermin and he really mad. Turns out people on Balmorra nicknamed him Vermin and gave him a complex, so when I said it he completely flipped out. Now Academy students aren't allowed to murder each other so all he could do was shout at me, and I got mad because he wouldn't accept my apology and started shouting at him. This went on for a good half an hour until we eventually both ran out of steam and stormed off.

But that's not the bad part. See I didn't think about it at the time, but as I mentioned the supply room is a public place and during our shouting match no one else came in, which was suspicious. It turns out that everyone who wanted to go to the supply room stopped outside the door when they heard raised voices (because in an Academy full of bloodthirsty Sith walking into the middle of a shouting match is rarely a good idea.) Now the doors were quite thick, so only the really loud things we said could be heard clearly, and apparently some of those things held some kind of significance to the eavesdroppers that I do not understand.

Here is a list of some of the sentences I mean:

\- "I'm going to take you from behind with my twelve inch warblade."

\- "I'll pound you so hard you'll wish you were dead."

\- "Hate's not going to be the only thing flowing through you in a minute."

I have no idea why but everyone is acting like those words, which are clearly violent threats, mean that Vemrin and I are secretly in love, but have to hide it for fear of our Overseers disapproving. Now Vemrin is actively staying well clear of me, Tremel is always looking at me as if I strangled his mother and the girls in the Academy are torn between looking despondent or squealing in strange delight whenever we are in the same room.

Korriban is weird.

* * *

Day 4

Today's challenge was to go to the tomb of Marka Ragnos, sit amongst the flames and wait for a beast. Though I can't say I mind parts 1 and 3, part 2 sounded a little excessive to me. I mean I know Tremel's still angry at me for the whole trials thing and the rumor but asking me to set myself on fire was a bit too much in my opinion. Fortunately Tremel explained that the second part was really just for dramatic effect, and he didn't really want me to cremate myself.

So I went to the tomb, sat down in the main chamber and waited until I heard the rumbling of a large animal coming closer. I looked up, and what I found was a massive, hulking beast with claws the size of speeders and teeth as sharp as vibroblades.

It was adorable!

With a bloodthirsty scream it charged at me, and in response I leaped into battle! The next few minutes were a whirl of blood, sweat and smiles and we fought to the death! It was my first proper challenge since arriving on this planet, and I loved every second of it. I had planned to capture it, call if Fluffy and make it my new pet however I must have gone overboard as the fight ended when it dropped down dead after a particularly hard punch to the head on my part. It was sad missing a chance to get a giant monster as a pet, but I'm sure I'll run into other giant monsters on my journey up the Sith hierarchy, and mark my words one of these days I'll make one my pet.

Oh yeah, I met Vermin's friend Dolgis on my way back. He's dead now.

* * *

Day 5

Remember Fluffy from yesterday. Well it turns out killing him sent a tremor through the force, and from that somehow Baras found out about my existence and demanded to see me. Tremel was all wound up about me presenting myself to him, but I assured him that I'd be fine and went to the meeting room. I'll admit that I was kind of nervous about meeting Baras at last, after all everyone spoke about him like he was a real big shot amongst the Sith. But when I arrived in the meeting room there was only one thought running through my mind.

Holy shit!

I can see why he felt the tremor, by the looks of him he probably causes quite a few tremors himself whenever he walks to the pie shop. I had not realized that Gamorreans were force sensitive but clearly I was mistaken, as unless that armor of his was designed to be excessively large around the waist that is the only thing he could possibly be under that mask. Believe me when I say Baras is big amongst the Sith both figuratively and literally.

So after a quick spat with Vemrin (which caused the other acolytes in the room to look at us knowingly as they left) Baras called me to him for a chat. It seemed like Baras wasn't very happy with how Tremel had rushed things getting me to advance, and found my lack of discipline and knowledge of the Sith philosophy offensive. Apparently my not knowing the Sith code, which is very important to the Sith and something Tremel had forgotten to tell me about, really did not give any points in my favour.

Luckily for me he blamed Tremel for this, and told me to kill him and bring back his hand. After a surprisingly quick and easy battle against Tremel I defeated my old overseer, however I didn't like the idea of killing him, after all it was thanks to him that I was even here right now. Instead I persuaded him to cut off his hand, which we could use to fool Baras. Though momentarily impressed by my cunning, Tremel wasn't exactly happy when I asked if he needed a hand leaving Korriban, or when I tried to high five him as he left.

At least Baras was pretty happy when I came back with Tremel's hand. So happy in fact that he decided to tell me the Sith code. I wasn't exactly paying attention at the time, but I think it went something like this:

"Fruit is a lie, there is only gravy.

Through gravy we gain pie.

Through pie we gain calories.

Through calories we gain weight.

Through weight our girdles are broken. The food shall set us free."

I feel as if this explains a lot about him.

*Note: He also gave me Tremel's kickass ring. I wonder what he's going to do with the rest of the hand?

* * *

Day 6

Went to the sparring club today. Bad move really, as it turns out Vemrin goes to it as well. As you can imagine the Overseer running it paired us up. I will admit that what they say about Vemrin being every bit my equal is true, our match was the most intense fight of my life, and eventually it ended in a draw.

However at some point in the match one of the other students took a picture of us, a picture that shows Vemrin pinning me down of the floor, the two of us covered in sweat and breathing heavily from exerting ourselves in combat. This picture has for some reason circulated the Academy very quickly and strengthened the strange rumour about us. I don't understand why though! What is it about us fighting that makes people think there's something between us.

I asked my new fellow apprentice Klemral why this was. He just called me a dense blockhead and walked off.

Rude.

*Note: Found some remaining K'lor'slug blood behind my ears in the shower. Remember to wash behind ears after a massacre.

* * *

Day 7

Today's task is to brave the tomb of Tulak Hord (who names these guys?) and bring Lord Baras back some ancient inscription shards. Simple enough right? The tombs were full of Tukat'a and Shyrak, and technically they still are, however by the time I left the tomb pretty much all of them were unmoving and bleeding all over the floor.

On the upside the Sith brand detergent works wonders. My clothes same out the washing machine looking good as new! It even washed the blood out of the white bits so they didn't look pink!

Anyway getting back on track. When I returned to Baras' office Klemral was waiting. Apparently he couldn't handle the Shyracks, and so had the genius idea of ambushing the guy who tied seven Hyrack together to use as a skipping rope and taking his shards, namely me. I can now confirm that the detergent washes out human blood just as easily as Shyrack blood. It's miracle stuff!

* * *

Day 8

Ha ha ha! Suck it Vemrin! Baras chose me, not him, to take the final trial to become his apprentice! So while I get to go to the tomb of Naga Sadow and nab myself a kickass lightsaber he has to wait in Baras' antichamber. Tomorrow I'm going down to the holding pens to pick up a Twi'lek that knows how to get into the tomb, and then I'm off to complete my trials!

* * *

Day 9

Well it took a lot of work, a lot of tears and a lot of dead bodies, but I've done it! I'm Baras' new apprentice! Booyah! Not to mention I've also got myself my own lightsaber and a free pass to Dromund Kaas, so goodbye crazy red dustball and hello city!

The day started when I swung by the holding cells to pick up the Twi'lek who could get me into the tomb, a sarcastic and pretty funny young woman called Vette. Though she was (understandably) upset about the whole being-a-slave thing Vette proved to be both good company and good at shooting things.

I think we're going to get along just fine.

So anyway from there we went straight to the tomb of Naga Sadow, fighting legions of acolytes along the way, and eventually arrived at the secret entrance to where the lightsaber was kept. As Vette got her bearings Vemrin, who it seems didn't take getting rejected by Baras too well, snuck up on me and tried to stab me. Fortunately for me the force gave me a warning, and Vemrin's attempt at a sneak attack was met with a boot to the face.

We took some time to big ourselves up, throw some insults at each other (you know, the usual stuff) and then with resounding battlecries leapt into combat. Our battle was legendary, Vemrin matched me blow for blow and came at me with everything he had, but after what felt like hours of fighting I pulled ahead by the skin of my teeth and stuck a final blow.

I have mixed feeling about that to be honest. On the one hand I really did hate the guy, and I'm glad I don't have to put up with him anymore. But on the other hand having a rival, someone truly on my level who could force me to do my best, pushed me to my limits and brought out the best in me. It was kind of sad to see him go really, maybe if things were different we could have continued our rivalry as Sith.

Anyway moving on. After stepping over the little bits of Vemrin all over the floor Vette did something to a statue and suddenly a 'secret' entrance slid open. How exactly a door can qualify as 'secret' when it's as big as a house and has stairs leading up to it is a mystery, but who am I to judge? Following the passage way for a few minutes we eventually arrived at Naga Sadow's coffin, and after kicking it open (which Vette told me was both disrespectful and highly unnecessary) I got myself my first lightsaber.

Maybe it was because I kicked the coffin open, but what I assume to be Naga Sadow's spirit clearly wasn't very happy about me making off with his lightsaber and sent some waves of purple energy into the stone statues in the room, which exploded to free strange warriors in black gimp suits that promptly started attacking me. As traps go that's got to be one of the weirdest. Luckily the gimp suit warriors were no match for me with a lightsaber, and were defeated pretty easily.

Proud of myself I returned to the Academy, where I found that although I had caused a stir it wasn't quite in the way I had intended to. It seems that Vemrin's disappearance caused many in the Academy to believe that we had decided to elope and run off into the outer rim to live in peace. Curiously enough a surprising amount of the other students appeared to hope this was true, and were rather disappointed to learn that Vemrin had infact taken up position as a doormat for the not-so-secret-anymore entrance.

Korriban is weird.

Baras however was thrilled to learn that I had completed his task, and made me his apprentice on the spot. I've got to say I'm really starting to like Baras, he may be a little on the strict side but he tolerates it when I poke a little fun at him and I feel like he really values me as an apprentice already. I can already tell that this is going to be the beginning of a beautiful master-student relationship.

Although he did say something about using the pain of my lost love to gain strength. God damn it!

Tomorrow I (and Vette, Baras said to do what I like with her and I'm really not sure what I should be doing) am going to Dromund Kaas. Baras didn't tell me what for, but I'm going to assume he's throwing a big welcome party to celebrate taking me as an apprentice. I can't wait!

* * *

Day 11

Stopped off at the Imperial fleet to change shuttles and get a drink. Vette asked me if I'd consider removing her collar, and then oddly enough acted surprised when I actually did. She seemed pretty happy, until for some reason I don't quite understand I felt compelled to ask her what she thought of us working together to take down the galaxy. I think I may have freaked her out a little bit.

* * *

Day 12

Public transport is awkward. The minute I stepped in the shuttle everyone suddenly shut up and looked very fidgety and afraid. I think my being a Sith now intimidated them. Anyway after about 10 minutes of sitting in the middle of fearful silence I found I couldn't stand it any longer and asked if anyone had vanquished any worthy foes lately.

Nobody replied. The silence turned awkward.

After the flight Vette told me that vanquishing worthy foes was not something normal people did, and therefore was unlikely to ever work in casual conversation. I feel like I should be taking notes.

* * *

Day 13

Arrived at Dromund Kaas! Unfortunately it turns out that there isn't a party waiting for me, which was pretty disappointing. Instead Baras told me about a large network of spies he has built up over the galaxy, and how it is my role as his enforcer to do battle with anyone who threatens that network. I'm touched, I really am! Baras really does appreciate my skills! I'm beginning to see that underneath that mask of his he really does care for me.

He has a mission for me as well. In a few days a prisoner with vital information will be arriving at the spaceport, and it's my job to get him to Baras to safely. I'm not going to fail! There's no way I'm going to let my new master down!

* * *

Day 16

I've done something today. Something I'll admit that I am not particularly proud of. I went to the spaceport the escort the prisoner, who was frozen in carbonite by the way, and everything seemed fine until trouble showed up in the form of two different groups of attackers.

Now I really didn't want to risk a shootout with so many enemies about, so I may have turned on the intimidation factor a little. Except by a little, I mean a lot. And by intimidation factor I mean I threatened to eat them.

Fortunately this worked, however perhaps I was a little too enthusiastic in my threat. The Imperials avoided going within six feet of me like the plague, and Vette seems to constantly make sure I'm not hungry now.

I don't think I'm ever going to live this down.

* * *

Day 20

Baras told me he felt a disturbance in the force.

I told him it was probably a bowel movement.

He didn't seem very happy.

After giving me the stink eye for a minute Baras explained that he has seen a vision of doom, of his entire power base being destroyed, and that the frozen man is a republic agent who holds the key to finding out why. While Baras is thawing out and torturing the republic agent (bit harsh) I need to go speak to Commander Pritch with a "seek and destroy task." Sounds like fun.

* * *

Day 22

Got a call from the Korriban Wildlife Association this morning. Apparently the sheer number of animals I killed has gravely damaged the ecology. Already a rapidly growing number of K'lor'slugs are feasting upon the trail of corpses I left in my wake, and without any Tukat'a or Shyrak to hunt them their numbers have already grown to the size of a small army. Experts fear that once the corpses I left them run out they will descend on the Academy in a bid to eat the students, and with their overwhelming advantage in numbers it might just spell the end of the Academy.

I'm taking the next shuttle back to thin their ranks. I told them to have lots of Sith detergent waiting for me.

* * *

Day 32

After many days of nonstop battle the K'lor'slug menace has been wiped out. I am caked in so much blood that everyone now mistakes me for a Sith Pureblood.

I am going to take a shower for the next two… no make that three, three days. Then I'm going back to Kaas city.

* * *

Day 36

I joined a Huttball game today! My team, the Frogdogs, won an overwhelming 59 to 1 victory and set an new intergalactic record.

This may be due to me brutally murdering the opposing team's players at the start, which apparently was a completely legal move. Gerada the Hutt did pay me quite a large sum of money to never play Huttball again though, so I guess I won't be making a career out of it after all.

* * *

Day 38

Found Baras on Spacebook today. I tried to add him, but he rejected my request.

The pain I feel inside will only make me stronger.

* * *

Day 40

Murdered a bunch of slave rebellion leaders who were blackmailing my master today. As we were carving a bloody path through the slaves the force notified me that Vette was looking at my butt. She always looks away before I can catch her in the act though, and I get the feeling bringing it up would make things super awkward.

It's a little uncomfortable having my butt stared at though. Not sure what I should do.

* * *

Day 41

Found a solution to the butt problem! One of the slaves was wearing a piece of caped Sith armour for some strange reason, so after beheading him I put the armour on, and now my butt is safely hidden behind my cape.

Vette seemed a little confused though. As I undressed my fallen foe in the middle of the battlefield she asked me what on earth I was doing. I calmly explained that all the clothes I have were taken from my dead opponents. She claimed I was a psychopath.

I think she's just grouchy that she can't see my butt anymore.

* * *

Day 45

Found the keys to Baras' personal speeder. Took it for a joyride. It's now wrapped around a tree.

I'm so dead when he finds out.

* * *

Day 48

Strange times at Gratham's house today. I was sent to kill Lord Gratham without letting anyone know, and while chopping though his army of droids and apprentices I bumped into his wife and son. We made a lovely little plan for me to kill Gratham and for his son to wear his mask and take his place, which I'm glad to say went off without a hitch.

The problem was that lady Gratham was acting weird the whole time. She kept on talking about how strong I was and how big my muscles were. I thought she wanted to fight me or something, but when I asked if that was so she looked really irritated and Vette started laughing her head off.

Things got even stranger on the way back. Vette was still laughing about the thing with Lady Gratham and asked me why I acted so clueless around women. When I assured her that I genuinely had no idea what she had been talking about Vette looked shocked and asked me if I knew what the "Birds and the Bees" was. I asked her if she was talking about the Felucian or Dantooinian Birdbee, and for some reason she started choking.

* * *

Day 49

Vette's acting weird again today. She asked me if I knew where babies come from, and so I reminded her that when two people love each other they write to the Emperor and ask him to send a stalk with a baby for them, and if they're especially loyal to the Empire he'll make that child force sensitive.

Vette went off to send a message to Baras about the "Birds and the Bees." I still do not know what Birdbees have to do with anything.

* * *

Day 50

Baras has summoned me to his office. By the sounds of it he's going to tell me the significance behind the Birdbees.

I can't wait!

* * *

Day 51

Ohmygodiamneverevereverleavingmyhouseagainthegalaxyisdisgusting

* * *

Day 52

Cried myself to sleep again tonight. I have lost the will to face the outside world ever again.

* * *

Day 53

Just realized what that whole rumor business with Vemrin was about. I am even more mortified than before.

* * *

Day 54

Vette finally managed to coax me out of my room. Was the sky always this dark?

I can't seem to look at any living being right now. Hopefully this will pass.

* * *

Day 59

Feeling pretty hurt today. Baras summoned me, and when we arrived he was having a lot of trouble with torturing his prisoner. Now Baras was clearly very angry, so I decided to play the good apprentice and not sass him, and when he let out a scream of anger I told him that I could feel his anger in a very Sithy way.

And then he rounds on me! Yells that a "blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could feel my anger!" Honestly! The one time I act like a good, normal apprentice he shouts at me!

I'm going to cry myself to sleep again tonight. See if I ever act like a respectful apprentice again!

* * *

Day 61

Vette asked me how I hadn't heard about what... Bird's and Bee's... was before. I told her the incredibly tragic tale of betrayal, isolation and sorrow that was my childhood, which I feel no need to write about in this diary since it's for me to read and I know perfectly well what happened. After five hours Vette finally stopped crying and insisted on giving me something called a "Hug." It's like a bear hug, except the intention isn't to crush the targets bones into dust between your biceps, but just sort of... be there. It felt strange and uncomfortable, yet not altogether bad.

Maybe I should ask Baras for a hug.

* * *

Day 62

Asked Baras for a hug. He just stood completely still and stared at me until I left. I couldn't see what expression he had behind his mask, and I'm not sure I want to.

*Note: Found out what Baras did with Tremel's hand. He appears to have turned it into a back scratcher.

* * *

Day 64

Probably the weirdest day of my life so far. Master sent me to the Sith Temple to pick up a device called the ravager so he could get the knowledge he needs out of the republic agent he's been torturing for the past week. What he neglected to mention was that the temple was full to the brim with crazy people.

Now I don't mind the odd eccentricity, however watching two dozen people crawl about licking the floor like fleshy vacuum cleaners whilst proclaiming themselves to be Sith Lords was a little to weird for my tastes. If I ever have to go back into that temple again I'm wearing an alumifoil hat.

Vette's been rather quiet today. Other than that time she laughed maniacally whilst blasting someone with lightning she's barely said a word. I wonder if something's on her mind.

* * *

Day 65

Turns out Vette was possessed by the spirit of Sith Lord Faxus Prin the other day, but recovered this morning after what she claims was an intensely harrowing and mentally scaring battle within the deepest vestiges of her mind, but to me just looked like she took a power nap.

She said that I should have recognized her change in behavior. I replied that whilst possessed she was bloodthirsty, vicious and absolutely terrifying, just like she normally is, but just a little quieter. It was a joke, but I don't think she saw the funny side. I doubt I'll be forgiven for a while.

* * *

Day 68

Master discovered what I did to his speeder today. He decided some training was in order, so we played a game he calls "Lightning Tag."

Basically I run around the room while he shoots bolts of lightning at me. If he hits me with lightning he's still it and keeps shocking me until I stop moving. Fun game, we played 4 times.

I have also appeared to have lost the ability to count past seven today. I'm sure it's a coincidence.

* * *

Day 70

Road trip! The whole ravager thing worked out nicely and Baras found out that a long term enemy of his, Noman Kar, has a new padawan that can sense people's true selves. I'm off to Balmorra and Nar Shaddaa to protect master's spy network from being uncovered, then I'm going to Tatooine and Alderaan to find out more about this "Jaesa Willsaam."

And in order to get there Baras gave me this kickass ship to get around in! It's got missiles, a droid and a massive holoprojector so that when Baras calls he can loom over me menacingly. It's awesome! I tried to do a bit of decorating, make the place feel more homely you know, but Vette didn't feel comfortable with me flooding the floor in fake blood and hanging the stuffed heads of the many various creatures I've killed so far about the place. Well at least not everywhere, remember Fluffy from Korriban? Well he now vigilantly watches over my room from the end wall.

I feel like a new chapter in my journey is just beginning! I can't wait!


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

* * *

Day 74

Cool fact about my new ship, there's a Holoprojector connected to the Imperial Navy in the cockpit from which an Imperial with an impressive mustache sometimes appears to ask me to undertake dangerous space missions. He asked if we could help escort a spy back to a battle cruiser, and since we were in the area I accepted.

Vette has now banned me from the cockpit, saying that a "blind, deaf, comatose lobotomy patient could fly better than me." See what she did there? Apparently my flying was less actually flying and more spinning the craft around at full speed whilst shooting everything that moves.

The spy didn't make it back.

* * *

Day 75

Have I mentioned how damn good I look in capes? I hadn't really thought about it until today, but I walked past a mirror just now and _hot damn_. Maybe I should be a cape model if being a Sith doesn't quite work out.

Vette doesn't seem to share my enthusiasm though. In fact she accidentally tripped over it whilst I was admiring myself in said mirror and is now a little angry. I'm going to have to make this up to her somehow.

* * *

Day 76

Having trouble sleeping. For the first time in my life there's no threat of being attacked by ravenous creatures, pissed off republicans or even more pissed off Sith. There's no need to sleep with one eye open… it's actually pretty scary. Apparently I'm so used to constantly being on guard that I can't relax without danger about.

I need to find a solution to this. Hmm…

* * *

Day 79

Vette's been tampering with the Holoprojector. When Lord Baras called earlier to tell me what to do when I arrived on Balmorra it played gentle trombone music in the background. Now I have killed enough monsters, acolytes and K'lor'slugs to build a meat temple the size of Korriban, however keeping a straight face through that was without a doubt the hardest battle I have ever faced.

I think Baras is now seriously considering having me checked out for brain damage.

* * *

Day 80

Great news! We've arrived on Balmorra!

Not so great news… it's kind of a dump.

As soon as we arrived we went to meet Baras' man on the ground, Malavi Quinn. After he finished lecturing some guy called Jiggins for being a complete failure we had a chat, and eventually ended up having a 4 hour discussion on how wonderful a person Lord Baras is.

I think we're going to be great friends. Vette just thinks we were both dropped on our heads to much as children.

* * *

Day 81

Found something amazing whilst walking around Balmorra city today! A teddy bear that has just the right height to weight proportion as Baras! After buying it I found a miniature set of Baras armor on the holonet (they have _everything_ on the holonet) and now have my own Lord Baras teddy bear! I call him Lord Bearas!

The best part is that with him by my side I can now get a good night's sleep. He is both a reminder of the terrible fate that awaits me should I fail to complete my master's mission and exceptionally cuddly.

* * *

Day 82

Where has Vette been sleeping all this time? There's only one bedroom on the ship; mine. Does she sleep on the couch in the projector room?

* * *

Day 83

She just stands in the engine room like she always does, even in the middle of the night. Doesn't move an inch until I walk in the room.

Vette scares me sometimes.

* * *

Day 84

A strange thought occurred to me today. After once again helping an imperial I found about Balmorra with a mission that'll somehow help the empire's cause I once again received a piece of clothing that is part of an outfit for Vette.

But how have all these people known a.) The exact measurements for clothing that'll fit Vette, and b.) What everyone else is buying? Is Vette calling these people ahead of time and telling them to get clothing ready that fit her? Has Vette distributed items of her clothing to imperials with problems around the planet? I'm very confused, and for some reason I can't explain a little bit angry. I dare not ask Vette though, the force warns me that certain death awaits me if I do.

* * *

Day 85

Does Lord Baras have a wife? Or kids? I've never thought about it, but he may well do. For some reason I can only imagine his kids wearing smaller versions of his mask.

* * *

Day 89

Ever wondered what the cruelest way to kill a man is? Well I think I've found the answer.

After disarming a particularly unskilled Balmorran trooper Vette delivered a snarky one-liner about his terrible aim, which I then followed up with a snarky line of my own. Before we knew it we had dissolved into a contest over who could deliver the snarkiest insult, and the rebel squad watched in abject horror as we proceeded to roast the trooper in a way that some planets would consider a war crime.

After a good half an hour of agonising emotional torment the rebel was finally granted peace after we roasted him so hard that he literally caught fire and burned to death. Vette then mentioned that it was unclear who exactly delivered the line that caused him to spontaneous combust, and that we should have a rematch. The other rebels ran away like little girls.

So there you have it. Death by snark is both possible and _exceptionally_ cruel.

* * *

Day 90

Today's task was to kill Baras' spies' blabbermouth of a son. Problem is when I found him the kid started whining and crying for mercy like you wouldn't believe. I couldn't help but pity the poor guy. So instead of killing him I helped him wipe his own memories instead.

Of course when the kid woke up without a clue who he was my need to have some fun won over my pity. I told him that his name was Harry Balls, and that he was the seven year old princess of Alderaan. With just a little touch of the force he is now convinced that is the truth.

Strangely enough as I did this the floor glowed a strange red colour and a black trianglish icon appeared by my chest saying -200. Vette swears she didn't see anything though. Should I go see a doctor?

* * *

Day 91

Realized that I never actually let that kid from yesterday out of his cell. It was quite hot in there, and I did leave a _long_ trail of bodies. It's probably smelling pretty fresh in there right about now.

Hopefully someone's come to check on the area by now. Overwise Harry Balls might be getting a little peckish right about now. Does he remember that humans tend not to be cannibals? Because the only thing within his reach is the guy who was guarding him…

* * *

Day 100

The spy has been taken care of. By which I mean he's dead of course. Shame, he was a nice guy.

Master Baras was ecstatic though! He said he hoped I could see his smile, forgetting of course that as he was still wearing his mask I could in fact not see his face. I'm not sure I want to see what a Gamorean looks like smiling anyway, it's probably terrifying.

* * *

Day 101

Great day! Probably one of the best I've ever had.

It looked pretty bad at the start; a jedi investigator overheard everything between me and Baras' spy and was about to tell the jedi council. Luckily Quinn pulled a quinn (my new term for an awesome feat of tactical genius) and had her blocked at the spaceport, so I was able to catch up to her. After a brief battle (and I mean brief, jedi are surprisingly fragile) the situation was resolved, and my mission on Balmorra officially complete.

Vette seemed surprised though when I spared the jedi's life, saying maiming and killing was more of my style. I told her I only maim and kill as a last resort, and she replied that I must have a pretty short list of resorts. She them seemed even more surprised when I brought out the list of resorts I keep on hand at all times and pointed out that maiming and slaughter were actually 54th and 61st respectively.

And even better guess who was waiting for me at my hanger. That's right… Malavi Quinn! He decided to join me on my incredibly vague quest across the galaxy for the good of the empire. We spent approximately another hour talking about how great Baras is once his stuff was packed on board.

Now we're off to Nar Shadaar to find (and eliminate) another spy.

* * *

Day 102

Quinn just sort of… stands there in the cockpit and doesn't move a muscle until I arrive. Just like Vette.

My companions scare me.

* * *

Day 105

We went on a space mission to destroy an acer republic fighter pilot today. Despite Vette's protests Quinn insisted that, as leader, I should be the one to fly the ship.

14 imperial casualties and 12'000 credits worth of missiles later Quinn has also banned me from flying.

* * *

Day 107

NAR SHADAAR IS AMAZING! Screw red dust and war torn battle fields, this planet has casino's everywhere and drinks on tap. After a long discussion Vette and I have managed to convince Quinn that we've earned at least one day off. Vette knows the best casino around and looting the corpses of my victims has earned me a small fortune, so tonight we're all going to kick back and party.

It's going to be the best night ever!

* * *

Day 117

It has been ten days since I last wrote in this journal, but to me it seems like it was only yesterday. Mainly because my memories of the last week have blended together into one big booze fueled haze. I dare not revisit many of these memories, lest the unspeakable horrors I have committed forever scar my awakened mind as they do my nightmares, however I feel I should note down the pro's and con's of my 'best night ever'.

Pros:

\- Obtained 100,000,000 credits. Unsure as to how.

\- The Duros now call me "Tualakan", which I have on good authority means "The Sundering Darkness."

\- Hold the record for most drinks consumed on Nar Shadaar in a year.

\- Guest starred in a holonet romance drama.

\- Won an award for best actor in a holonet romance drama.

\- Saw Vette smiling a lot. Felt strangely invigorated by this for some reason.

\- Can somehow speak fluent Trandosian now.

Cons:

\- Baras' disappointment is palpable even from here.

\- Gerdo the Hutt has me on speed dial as 'the scarlet-sabre stripper'.

\- Quinn will never forgive me for what I did to that protocol droid.

\- I feel dirty no matter how much I shower.

\- Images of my naked torso are all over the holonet.

\- There's some kind of pink/grey goo all over the floor of the ship.

\- The alcohol content in my blood is so high it's poisonous to most races.

\- There's a strange outfit in my wardrobe. I'm not sure what it is, but it's furry, my size and… revealing. Very revealing.

\- The Evocii believe me to be a god of war.

* * *

Day 120

Ugh… my head. It feels like a bantha's sitting on it. I've been walking around Nar Shadaar looking for… Lord Rathari? ...Or have I already found him and killed him? I'm not sure really, I just want to go to sleep. Vette's been leading on this one and just points me at things I need to kill.

* * *

Day 121

Turn's out that leaving the thinking up to Vette was a good call. I woke up this morning to find out that I apparently killed Lord Rathari and Baras's rogue spy at some point yesterday in my mindless drunken haze. So… yay?

Thinking that Vette deserves a present I've decided to lay off wearing the capes for a couple of days. I swear she seems happier already.

* * *

Day 122

Got to meet Nomen Karr, my master's arch nemesis, today after I discovered my ship was being tracked and followed the signal back to this sweet ass space station.

Now maybe it was just that the holoprojector was very high quality, but by the Emperor Nomen Karr has a stylish beard! It's so sharp! And it's incredibly distracting! The people working at the space station all escaped when I lost myself staring at the fine craftsmanship of his chin hair.

* * *

Day 123

Just discovered a small black sun tattoo on my buttcheek. Apparently during my hungover search for Baras' spy I ended up joining the gang war raging across Nar Shadaar and completely decimated every other gang, leaving the Black Sun with no one to oppose them as they conquered the entire planet. This has apparently prompted the Hutt clan to declare war on them.

Vette mentioned that if I'm going to go about starting wars on every planet we visit she wants a pay rise. The force warned me that it was a bad idea to mention that I'm not actually paying her.

* * *

Day 125

Been getting strange holocalls from a pimp on Nar Shadaar who seems to think I work for him. Quinn assures me that he's paid a agent on the planet to discreetly assassinate the guy before Vette finds out.

How did I ever manage without Quinn before?

* * *

Day 128

Baras called again to tell me that with the spies taken care of we're going on the offensive and hunting down this Jaesa girl. Nomen has her hiding away somewhere, so to draw her out Baras has instructed me to seek out her parents and her first master, then use their suffering to call to her. I'm on my way to Tatooine now to find her old master, who is some kind of desert hermit.

However Vette fiddled with the holoprojector into what she calls 'funhouse mirror mode'. Baras' image kept distorting to make some parts of him massive or tiny. Again I struggled to restrain myself from snickering through what was supposed to be a very serious and Sithy call, and Baras now suspects I am playing some kind of elaborate practical joke on him.

* * *

Day 130

Tatooine is without a doubt the worst planet in the galaxy! I mean I thought Balmorra was bad, but this place takes the biscuit. I mean it has two suns! _Two suns!_ _**Who needs two suns!**_ The temperature here is always between uncomfortably hot and dangerous-to-live-in hot, and this is the winter season! Why is this planet even colonised?

And don't get me started on the sand! It's _everywhere!_ I _hate_ sand; it's rough and coarse and gets in everywhere! I guarantee that no sith will ever hate sand as much as I do! And as if there wasn't enough sand about already the locals shove the word sand in the names of everything! There's sand people, sand crawlers and even sand demons! Heck Vette and I visited the 'sand market', stopped at 'Sandy's Sand Bar' and guess what the menu? **Sand Burgers!** _ **Why?!**_

As soon as the surface of the planet was in sight Quinn suddenly mentioned how the city we were landing in was a cesspool of criminals, and so solemnly volunteered to stay behind and guard the luxurious, air conditioned ship full of water while Vette and I had the 'honor of fulfilling lord Baras' mission of great importance'. Little bastard.

We didn't make any progress on our mission today, mainly because I could barely think thanks to the bloody heat. As Vette wisely pointed out heavy black body armour complete with stylish black cape and desert planets with two suns do not mix. Work was called off today in favour of a cold shower, and Vette's roped me into putting the mission on hold tomorrow as well and taking her shopping for planet appropriate clothes. The force warns me that a terrible future awaits, but I'm sure it's just exaggerating. How bad can one shopping trip be.

* * *

Day 131

I, a Sith lord with enough strength to beat a Wookie in a fistfight, have met my match today in a pile of clothes. The sheer volume of it was enough to break a bantha's back, and while most of the clothes were Vette's her only contribution was to carry the water flask and pay for everything _with my credit card._

Despite the pain of my ordeal there were some plus sides. I now own a few sets of clothes that a.) aren't armour, and b.) aren't black and/or grey. Apparently these clothes are what normal galactic society deems _normal_. Also seeing Vette in so many exotic (and rather minimal) outfits and clearly enjoying herself was strangely thrilling.

Why is it that seeing Vette like this makes me feel thrilled? It is because we spend so much time together? I'll ask Quinn and Baras to wear different clothes for me and see if that makes me feel thrilled too.

Speaking of Quinn we got back to the mid afternoon to find Quinn crying in front of the holoproject watching the end of 'Malak and Me'. It seems he was expecting us to be hunting for the jedi and thought he had the ship to himself. He also claims he wasn't crying, he just had sand in his eye, but I see through him. Even I cried watching that film, heck I got a bit teary eyed watching the end bit just now. Luckily Vette didn't notice, and with the amount of teasing she's giving Quinn I intend to keep it that way.

* * *

Day 131.5

Found Quinns secret film stash. His collection includes:

\- Finding Nemro.

\- The Emperor's New Groove.

\- Dooku Where's My Car?

\- The Good, The Baras, And The Ugly.

\- The Lion Quinn (Turns out Quinn used to be an actor).

\- 101 Dalmarrtians

\- The Nightmare Before Sithmas.

* * *

Day 132

Not wearing armour was a mistake. On Vette's urging I wore a simple jacket, a green t-shirt with some designer brand and blue jeans today. Admittedly I am a lot cooler (and thanks to a neat little force trick I learned on neither Vette for I will get sunburnt), but I am now even more uncomfortable than I was in the heat.

This is mainly because of two reasons. First of all I feel… naked… without armour. Looking back I can't remember a time when I've ever not worn something at least slightly armoured, and without it I keep feeling like somebody is going to slip a knife into my back at any second (a common occurrence on Tatooine I'm told).

And secondly, and most importantly, my armour was what gave me most of my intimidation factor. Without it I'm not very scary at all; in fact it turns out I'm actually rather attractive. My non-sithy appearance and the rather fashionable clothes Vette picked out for me has made it even more difficult for me to get around unnoticed than it would have been in armour, because every other female seems to staring at me strangely and giving me… unwanted attention in that same disturbing way lady Gratham did. A bartender at a cantina we stopped at explained to me that they were 'making eyes' at me, but I don't understand how this staring is supposed to create new eyeballs. A local superstition perhaps?

Vette seems just as annoyed by this attention as I am. In fact she had what the locals call a 'cat fight' with a waitress when they pinched my butt (why is it always the butt? This is why I wear capes!) Unfortunately she seems just as annoyed with me as she is with everyone else, in fact even more so after I gave my number to a girl at a droid parts stall (which I assume was for marketing purposes).

We're heading out of civilization for a while, and to be honest I'm looking forward to it. Non-Sith are weird.

* * *

Day 137

Found a mystical lake today where I had an incredible life-changing experience! A vision of myself cloaked in light emerged from the depths of the water and told me that it wasn't too late to turn my back in the dark side and become one with the force after death. I found the very core if my being touched by its mere presence.

I've decided, I'm turning my back on the dark side! From now on I will devote myself fully to the light.

* * *

Day 138

Vette is unimpressed with my newfound connection to the light, particularly when my newfound pacifist ways prevented me from lifting a finger to fight back when a gang of bandits attacked.

* * *

Day 139

Inner peace. Inner peace.

Even though sand is getting in my eyes, my tongue feels like sandpaper and my hands are itching for a fight I won't let my irritation get to me. Dark thoughts are not the way of the light.

* * *

Day 140

There's nothing but sand **everywhere** I look! Can't this planet just have _one_ bloody tree!

Ah **no** no _no_. Don't **think** angry thoughts. Be serene and peaceful. Serene and peaceful serene and peaceful sereneandpeaceful...

* * *

Day 141

VetTe sa _ys_ the **m** ix of sunstroke and my Pent up destruCtive urGes are **dr** iving me _**crazy**_! Ha! CRAZY! _**ME**_?! Would a crAzy man amass an army of womp rats to cOnquer all of tato **oi** ne?! Would a crAzy man wear the **skul** l of the **mighty bantha** as a Crown? **WOULD A CRAZY MAN BECOME THE GOD-KING OF THE DESERT BEASTS?!**

Huh… actually seeing it written down like this makes me think that she may have a point. Just one little murder should be fine right…

* * *

Day 142

Oh sweet darkness how I've missed you. The dryness of the desert is made wet again by the wash of tusken blood, and everything is right again.

I'm sorry I ever doubted you dark side. I'll never cheat on you again.

* * *

Day 143

My massacre of the local tuskens yesterday got me on the front page of 'genocide today'. Man that photographer did a good job, my picture looks incredible.

* * *

Day 144

How is Vette able to shoot so damn well with her eyes glued to my butt? Definitely wearing capes again once we get back to civilization.

* * *

Day 147

As part of a ritual we're doing to follow Jaesa's footsteps I was supposed to kill this creature called a Sand Demon and bath in its blood. Vette however insisted that we find the peaceful solution Jaesa used instead of outright slaughtering it.

Sometimes I wonder which one of us was supposed to be in charge.

* * *

Day 150

Finally reached the jedi hermit's house. I was looking forward to a good fight, but it turns out the guy is completely senile. I defeated his latest student and tried to kill him, but he mistook me for the guy he'd called to fix his sink and didn't understand me when I hold him he'd got the wrong guy.

I ended up fixing his sink. Apparently he'd been dying to get the washing up done for days, and was so grateful that it sent a ripple in the force which everyone seems to be mistaking for gratitude a sparing his life.

Well if it works it works. I guess that means my job here is done so… yay?

* * *

Day 152

Finally got back to the nice, air conditioned ship. By the force it feels nice to be cold again.

Asked Quinn to change into some new clothes for me when Vette went out to buy fuel. He said 'My Lord?' in a confused manner but nonetheless complied.

It wasn't the same as with Vette. Perhaps that's just because Quinn is my best buddy. I'll try with Baras.

* * *

Day 153

We're off to Alderaan! At last! _Anywhere_ is better than Tatooine! I'm still finding grains of sand in places they have no right being.

Baras called to inform me that I'll be hunting down Jaesa's parents there. I was about to ask him if he would mind changing clothes for me, but then a mental image of his dressed in Vette's clothes popped into my mind and I was a little sick in my mouth.

So it is just Vette then. I wonder why?

* * *

Day 154

Took a detour back to Nar Shadaar on the way to Alderaan so we could swing by and pick up this 'Star of Kalla Uun' Vette's been talking about that's of great cultural significance to the Twileks. The guy that had it hired this bodyguard called the plague who he thought would protect him and started slagging off Vette.

I'm not quite just what came over me, but three seconds later the plague had been crushed under his personal ship and the guy was apologising. So Vette recited this well prepared speech again, took the star and then we were on our merry way.

Met up with some of Vette's old friends afterwards too. Nice bunch of people, but this one girl kept running her fingers down my arm. I assume this is some kind of Twilek custom, but it's one Vette is not a supporter of if her glare was anything to go by.

It was nice that she chose to stick around with me afterwards as well. I didn't tell her, but I was actually a little worried she'd leave. I can't imagine going through the rest of this journey without her.

* * *

Day 155

Quinn discovered Darth Bearas today. Asked if he could get one too. We spent the rest of the day talking about what a great guy Baras is.

Vette seemed amused and said Quinn was by BF, which after seeing my confused expression meant boyfriend. Well Quinn _is_ a boy and _is_ my friend, so I guess she's right.

I asked her if that meant she was my girlfriend. She turned an interesting shade of pink, stuttered and ran off. Vette's strange.

* * *

Day 157

Alderann is awesome! They have flying mantas! FLYING MANTAS! I've been trying to convince Quinn to let us keep one on the ship, but he keeps telling me that having a pet is a huge responsibility. I think he's patronizing me.

On a side note I introduced Quinn and Vette respectively as my boyfriend and girlfriend to Baras' agent on Alderaan. He looked highly alarmed for some reason, and Vette pulled me aside to tell me I should never say that again. Her face has gone all pink again.

* * *

Day 158

The local imperial commander has lost his troops in a cave full of these weird bug creatures called Kiliks. He's asked me to go rescue them, so I'm on my way via flying manta now.

* * *

Day 160

I see the stars beyond the clouds in the sky. I feel the earth below my feet. I feel the songs of my brothers and sisters all across the galaxy calling to me. My individual thoughts and wants are of no matter now, for now I am part of the hive. My desires are my Kilik siblings now, and there's are mine. I finally feel like part of a whole now, and the gaping hole of loneliness inside me has been filled by the warmth of my new family.

I will not be posting in this journal again. My past is the shared past of the hive now. We are one.

* * *

Day 170

I am no longer "one" with the hive mind, mainly because the rest of the hive mind are all dead. Adding me to the collective spread my lust for blood across the entire hive, and forced the others into an uncontrollable frenzy that led them to launch a suicide attack on the nearby heavily defended outpost. I was the only one with the strength to survive.

The gaping hole in my heart has been reopened from the severing of my connection to my Kilik family. On the plus side I'm back with Vette and Quinn again, so… yay?

* * *

Day 172

Vette and I had an argument today over clothes again. She mentioned how she was sick of people staring at her exposed midriff like she was a piece of meat, but had to make the sacrifice for increased mobility in combat. I retorted that wearing heavy armour all the time since trouble seems to literally find us _everywhere_ , despite how heavy and clunky it is, was the greater sacrifice. One thing led to another, and now we've both agreed to swap outfits until one of us gives in and admits they were wrong.

Quinn things we're both idiots, and mentioned that he expects this competition to take a long time. He's wrong of course, after wearing my armour for a few hours Vette will surely give in. She's not _that_ stubborn.

* * *

Day 173

Drawing a few odd looks from the house Thul soldiers, probably because these clothes _really_ don't leave much to the imagination.

I take comfort in the fact that Vette looks like some kind of bounty hunter though, and has fallen on her face five times already. I'm _so_ going to win this argument.

* * *

Day 175

Received an interesting report from the imperial division on Tatooine. It seems my massacre of the Tusken prompted many of them to mistake me for their religion version of the harbinger of the apocalypse. They also note that the womp rat population is booming due to all the available carrion for them to feed on.

Little do the fools know that this is no mere superstition. One day I shall return to Tatooine to rally my army of mighty rats, and then all of Tatooine shall be dyed red with blood. All hail to the god-king of the desert! Mwahahahahaha!

* * *

Day 177

It sure is breezy around the top of Alderaan's snowy mountains. Kind of wish I could cover my stomach, but I can't give Vette the satisfaction.

* * *

Day 180

Why is it so hard to force leap in high heels? The lady Sith make it look so easy.

* * *

Day 182

Stormed a republic base to talk to a general who once had Jaesa as her handmaiden today. They seemed shocked when I blasted down the door to their bunker, though I couldn't tell if this was in awe of my power or in awe of how short my hotpants are.

* * *

Day 190

The good news is I finally tracked down Jaesa's parents! They were staying in the house of some noble family they serve the whole time.

The not-so-good news is that I wasn't sure which room they were in, and really wanted to burst in dramatically through the door. This meant there were five separate occasions where I burst in on the wrong family. To save face I had to act like I'd meant to burst in on them anyway, and ended up having a rather awkward dinner with one of them.

Anyway I got there in the end, beat up _another_ expendable jedi and then offered Jaesa's parents the chance to come live in the empire, which they accepted. Baras thinks I did so because Jaesa would sense and be stung by their betrayal. Truth is I did it because Jaesa's mom makes some damn fine cookies. The empire can not allow such a valuable resource to remain out of our grasp!

Baras did however ask me why I was dressed as a woman. My answer of 'to prove that armour is superior' prompted another round of silence before he ended the transmission without a word. I can sense that he's disappointed in me, but Quinn says that it's my common sense talking, not my force sense.

Alright I give! Vette can win the damn argument, I want my armour back!

* * *

Day 191

Did I ever mention that Baras had a duke on this planet working as an agent for him? No? Well that's because the little git was useless and completely forgettable. Well it turns out he tattled to Baras about how I blew up a hall full of house Thull dignitaries and helped the republic defend a war front this one time.

Thing is technically I did do those thing which, from a certain point of view, does actually make me a traitor to the empire. Luckily master Baras understood that I wasn't doing it deliberately. In his words I 'lack the higher brain capacity to understands concepts like betrayal'. I'm not sure what that means exactly, but since it's coming from him I'm sure it's a compliment.

Anyway the duke is dead now, and none of his relatives decided to challenge my claim to inheriting his home for some reason, so I now have a holiday retreat on Alderaan!

 _And one day from this house the hive will rise again, and all of Alderaan will be returned to its rightful Killik masters!_

* * *

Day 192

I received a message from Jaesa! Turns out all that hunting down old people actually worked! She wants to meet in private to discuss bringing an end to this hunt.

Which is fortunate really considering I have literally no leads left on where to find people close to her. Kind of makes you wonder why she only showed herself _after_ all the people who really matter to her have been proven to be safe from me…

* * *

Day 200

Arrived at the co-ordinates provided, but it turns out Nomen Karr found out what Jaesa was trying to do and talked her out of it. Probably hypnotized her with that beard of his too the little sneak.

Anyway instead of Jaesa I found two jedi, both of whom seemed confused about what their own code entailed and kept arguing about it. I barely got two words in before one of them decided that attacking someone who wasn't attacking them wasn't their way (for the record I _was_ going to attack them, but I was going to wait for them to stop bickering first. It's rude to interrupt people).

The other one finally got round on fighting me after than, and in a few seconds was soundly beaten. But then the guy starting crying about how unfair it was which was _awkward_ , so I just made a little suggestion that he give the dark side a quick try and he instantly runs off to hop on the next shuttle to Korriban.

Weird guy. Come to think of it pretty much all the jedi I've met so far have been weird. Why can't they just be normal like us Sith?

* * *

Day 202

Baras received a message from Noman Karr today, challenging him to a duel on Hutta. Baras is sending me to fight in his place.

He says he won't fight because he's outgrown his petty rivalry with Nomen. I reckon it's because the building doesn't have mobility scooter access.

* * *

Day 203

And finally it is over. The hunt for Jaesa Willsam has been concluded, and I have myself a new apprentice.

After arriving at Hutta I headed to the duel site and met Nomen, who was very gung-ho about killing me. Our battle was legendary, with both of us swinging our sabres with such speed and precision that we looked like blurs, but eventually the darkness with him began to take over and sent him wild and uncontrolled. After a wide swing I saw an opening, gathered the force around my foot, and poured all of my remaining strength into one last enormous force kick to the balls.

It is a good thing jedi aren't allowed to have children, because I doubt Nomen Karr will ever feel anything between his legs again. The ripple of pain echoed in the force all across the galaxy, and according to the holonet every man even the least bit force sensitive in the known universe shuddered and winced simultaneously. Now I've seen what happens to people in the dungeons of Korriban, but the look of pain on Nomen's face… that'll haunt me for the rest of my days…

Nomen's voice is now set 8 octaves higher, a condition that the imperial medics tell me will never fade. When Jaesa arrived to confront me this made things rather awkward, as everything Nomen said sounded like he was breathing helium.

Jaesa was shocked to discover that the dark side burned fiercely in her master, and had a bit of a crisis of faith. I was able to convince her that really the light side is kind of lame, and that if she came over to the dark side she could stop using her powers for lame things and start being awesome. Looks like I snagged myself a sweet new apprentice.

… She's perhaps just a _little bit_ too eager to be a Sith though. I mean she seemed a bit disappointed when I told her that she couldn't kill Nomen as master Baras wanted him, and on the way back out she seemed… well… a tad murdery. As in the stab anyone who looks at her funny kind of murdery.

I fear I may have made a terrible mistake.


End file.
